2nd October 2015 – 15th June 2016
My limbo in life between youth and adulthood, an endless abyss of maybe’s and possible possibilities. I was and still am indecisive on life. Studying the most random selection of A levels was “keeping my options open” but eventually led to a “Keeping up with Wendy” story of my life nightmare (more so for my parents who had to do most of the keeping up…I was already two steps ahead of a decision I had just made and willing to change it at a seconds notice).
Some of the craziest decisions I have made I will proudly say were the work of a higher being, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, take for instance my gap year to Spain. I love languages. Random I know, but I wanted to learn Spanish fluently, an advertisement just so happened to appear on my sisters screen one boring afternoon for a teaching position in Spain for a year with full accommodation provided. Three weeks later I was off for the year. Fun times packed with unforgettable memories and a fresher outlook on life. Somewhere along a two hour car journey through truly the most spectacular view of the Pyrenees mountain range with one of my three host families (we were on our way to Andorra – the smallest country in the world, I would bet my life on it) I found myself in Limbo land.
It was a moment when my A level grades didn’t matter and I no longer cared about the degree awaiting me, it was just peaceful and silent, our car was the only one on the rocky path and nothing seemed important to me anymore. In the winding paths of mountains, streams and breath taking beauty it was just easy to think clearly and for once I could make sense of why people seem to enjoy going for morning runs to capture the sunrise or to be constantly surrounded by nature. I walked, or rather drove, right into my perfect limbo paradise and for once I was alone and I wouldn’t describe it as therapeutic, (I wasn’t running away from anything) but when I came back I was no longer indecisive.
I have never said that being indecisive is a quality that I liked about myself, quite the contrary, that is until that moment in a hidden land between the borders of France and Spain where a whole new world seemed within my reach (pause to appreciate Aladdin’s magic carpet ride and the amazing view I would have had from way up there). In fact my indecisiveness is the only reason I am on a fashion journalism course in the first place, I was meant to be studying Law but hey-ho something in my brain was telling me no! And I am truly grateful for it.
Limbo is defined as a certain period of awaiting a decision or a resolution. Personally, I have come to see it as a set traffic lights – it makes me stop. If I continue I will crash into what may have been a short-term solution which would have inevitably created life-long problems (I have noted the pattern now). It draws me into an abyss in which anything can happen and gives me the time and peace to map out all my rocky mountains and smooth streams before making a decision and then I go.
So yes, I love my limbos, I love my unsteady mind, its always ready to lead me somewhere new, and I understand my weird little cycle so I just roll with it and it has not failed me yet.